I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
