the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
