What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Say something about gay babies.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
