I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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