You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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