Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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