she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
