do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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