he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
