He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
