Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize