I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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