it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
