a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
