While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
