if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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