LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
