My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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