Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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