the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
