Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
