Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
