apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
