Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
