I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
