i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
two words...techno handjob
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
