i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
