good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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