My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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