She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
