i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
