i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
