she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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