I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
