i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
