Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
someone threw a dead crab at me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can text with my tongue
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize