My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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