4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
