I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
