I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
