apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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