Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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