I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
