true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
