i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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