"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
