in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
