the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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