If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
