ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
