never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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