She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Floor bacon is actually really good
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
