I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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