His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
