HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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