She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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