can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize