Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
how does that bad decision feel?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
