he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
