the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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