She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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