And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
