You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
