This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
