I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
