carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
