Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
