Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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