This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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