How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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