6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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