i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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