I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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